Are You Putting Too Many Eggs In One Basket?

Jeannine Apr 15, 2014 0 comments 0

If You Like It Then  You Shoulda Put A Ring.. Nevermind!

For most women in the west, just a few short decades ago your life path was largely determined by who you married. Economic situation, intellectual stimulation, sex life, major life decisions, emotional support and quite often your social circle.

Your happiness was quite often dependent on finding the right man to marry. We have now mostly broken free from this idea that a man needs to provide economic security and intellectual stimulation as we entered the out-of-home work place en masse.

But what about our other needs? Housing arrangements, friendships, sexuality, goals and dreams. Are we still relying on one perfect man that will match our needs in all of these diverse areas? Is there a way to relieve this pressure cooker scenario when dating or within an established relationships?

Many couples that can afford it are choosing a living situation dubbed ‘living together apart’. While the pearl clutchers may claim society is falling apart, that it is dysfunctional and that they should move on and find someone they would be happy to share a living space with, many ‘LAT’s’ claim to be deliriously happy with the arrangement.

Research shows they are often more satisfied with their relationships and experience less conflicts than their cohabiting counterparts. While it is not for everyone, creatives and introverts that need time alone to create and recharge often thrive with this kind of arrangement.

Isn’t it time we had an honest chat with ourselves and our partners about our human need for multiple partners?

No More Racing Down The Aisle?

As many have delayed marriage to pursue other goals or have many relationships, the long period before coupling up and the inevitable break ups means relying on emotional support from a romantic partner is a rather risky emotional insurance policy. Even if in a romantic relationship, many women are finding while their man might give a warm shoulder to cry on during the hard times, when it comes to the emotional analysis gay or female friends are a better support.

What would art, film, literature and TV dramas have to do for content if it weren’t a basic truth that humans are a non-monogamous animal that thinks it’s meant to be monogamous? There are almost endless ways of meeting our sexual, physical needs outside of the partnered for life model.

 

When Three Isn't A Crowd; A New Relationship Paradigm

Swingers, open relationships, serial monogamy, fuck buddies, holiday flings, the flirtation with your local barista, a weekly coffee date with a male friend that gives great hugs, cyber sex, the lover that makes you feel like a cherished goddess and the one that likes to explore shared kinks. Isn’t it time we had an honest chat with ourselves and our partners about our human need for multiple partners?

For a modern empowered women there can be a lot of downsides to relationships. Ingrained gender roles can still prevail when shacked up together or when children arrive. Despite how enlightened you think of yourself and your partner, there is something about the arrival of children that brings up unconscious ways of doing things that you witnessed in your own childhood.

Despite how enlightened you think of yourself and your partner, there is something about the arrival of children that brings up unconscious ways of doing things that you witnessed in your own childhood.

Having to compromise on the majority of decisions from the decor to which country you live in can require huge sacrifices and result in resentment. If you already have the majority of your needs met as a single woman, a relationship can either be the cherry on top, or you can happily wait for the match so perfect that any compromises required are barely noticeable.

Let's get our needs met on our own terms and not on Hollywood's relationship model.

Jeannine
Jeannine Joy is a lover of the essayette, guerrilla gardener, mother, feminist, frequently distracted from all of that by sex trivia, and contrarian. Perpetually seeing both sides of the argument and is quite likely to change her mind.

Jeannine Joy is a lover of the essayette, guerrilla gardener, mother, feminist, frequently distracted from all of that by sex trivia, and contrarian. Perpetually seeing both sides of the argument and is quite likely to change her mind.