Your relationship with your breasts while breastfeeding is likely to have radically changed; previously there just for your entertainment and to make your clothes fit. Well, now they are working girls with a new agenda.
A breastfeeding mother may experience all or some of the following: leaking, pain, feeling over exposed and touched out, have an overflowing bra before a feed and look like a day old balloon after, but most of all, a new found reverence and appreciation for your breasts.
You are feeding and bonding with your child using your breasts; creating a closeness that is not easily matched in any other human interaction.
We should probably talk about your boobs
In the early days, your breasts may be a no-go zone during sex. They also may like to join in with a little spraying action once the oxytocin starts flowing. As a fan of ejaculate play, I thought that it was great to be on the other side of the equation.
Plus, its hilarious. The most important thing to know is it’s normal. Feeling sexual about your breasts while breastfeeding may be difficult for some mothers. I have found that treating my breasts like my vulva has helped; instead of being part of the foreplay, a no touchy policy until I am really tuned on has reintroduced me to the pleasures of boob play.
They always know!
Why is it that your breastfed cherub can be deep into the land of slumber and normally sleep through the neighbour’s leaf blower, but the slightest nookie noise and they are wide awake? Is it some kind of inbuilt sibling prevention system? I am sorry, I don’t have a solution for this one, just commiserations.
Sneaking Around Like a Horny Teenager?
So you may be having sex with a sock in your mouth, but that doesn’t mean you have to also be in the back of the car, unless a role play of a time with less responsibilities is helping you get in the mood. Often a couple will lose their shared sleeping/sex space to their frequently waking boobie monster on a permanent or part-time basis.
If possible, making a space that the kids can’t go, that is reasonably tidy and has your sex tools close at hand, can make getting your jiggy on that a bit easier during a typically sex-starved time.
My Grandma’s sewing machine inside the play pen brings to mind a possible solution. You really haven’t lived until you have opened your bleary eyes to your toddler painting the wall with your lube left out from the night before.
Coping with a Lower Sex Drive
Lower sex drive during breastfeeding is a biological reality for many women and one of the reasons it’s so important for couples to have a great sex life with themselves. Partner assisted masturbation is a wonderful option while your sex drive is on holiday. If your sex drive is still low after a year or two of breastfeeding, it may be worthwhile checking out the other factors that contribute to a low libido with a health professional.
Estrogen Wherefore Art Thou?
Breastfeeding suppresses estrogen production, which can result in vaginal dryness and irregular ovulation, even if you are regularly menstruating. While most women can deal with this with liberal use of a good lubricant and diligent foreplay, for some breastfeeding mothers low-estrogen can have a more serious impact.
Experiencing pain, bleeding after sex, tightness and irritation may be an indication of vaginal atrophy. Atrophic vaginitis, is the thinning, drying, and tightening of the vulva caused by low-estrogen and reduced blood flow to the vulva (read: not enough sex).
It can become a vicious cycle of painful sex leading to less sex which results in further atrophy. Many health professionals will not consider this diagnosis for women decades away from menopause despite it being a common condition for breastfeeding women.
It is important to be persistent with your provider if they keep fobbing you off with “use more lube” when you have already tried the entire selection at your local sex shop and you still have an unhappy vagina. This is a treatable condition with topical estrogen and more sex. That’s right, more orgasms is just what the doctor ordered.