Bringing Sexy Back When You’re Not In The Mood

Chloe Pedley Dec 6, 2013 0 comments 0

Have you ever had a really rough day at work, or been incredibly stressed about your family drama, or just had a few weeks of feeling generally down in the dumps and thought, ‘you know what will cheer me right up? Some sex. Yep – that oughtta do it’.

Not so much? Yeah, that goes for around 80 percent of the population*. Depression, stress, anxiety and generally feeling low can all negatively affect your sexual desire, and quickly throw sexy-fun-time to the bottom of your priority list. This is especially sucky given that sex, orgasms and simple touching have actually been proven by science nerds (thanks guys!) to boost mood and feelings of wellbeing, and reduce stress and anxiety. Nice one, Mother Nature. What a tangled web you weave.

I’ve been there. I’ve had days where I’ve felt so crappy or stressed my husband had better not so much as look at me the wrong way, let alone bust a move. But I think these feelings were best summed up by one of my BFFs during a particularly rough week, when she lamented;

I feel so stressed and crappy and unattractive right now,
I don’t even want to have sex with myself.

Sing it, sister. We’ve all been there.

The thing is, foreplay, touch, sex and orgasm all release the mood-boosting and stress-relieving endorphins that can combat the blues. So getting yourself some can really help put you on the path to happiness and overall wellbeing.

Need A Little Help To Get Your Sexy Back?

Talk to your doctor. Sometimes it can be hard to distinguish the blues from depression, so if you’re really feeling out of sorts it’s worth having a chat with your doctor to discuss some options that will work for you.

Take a break from sex – at least in the short term. Instead, focus on other forms of intimacy such as cuddling, kissing, holding hands, and massage. Taking sex out of the picture temporarily can take some of the pressure off, while maintaining other physical connections can help rekindle the home fires.

Get active outside the bedroom. Exercise can increase your energy levels, release feel-good chemicals to improve your mood, and even stimulate sexual arousal. A brisk walk, a swim, or a game of tennis could help in getting your mojo back.

Take some you-time. Stress releases the hormone cortisol, which can kill your sex drive, so taking time out to indulge in the things you love and de-stress is an important step in reviving your libido. Clear your schedule for an entire day – or at least a few hours – and do something indulgent to decompress. Leave your phone at home, spend some time at the beach with a book, treat yourself to a massage, facial, man-pedi or visit to the salon, take yourself out for lunch at your favorite café… anything that’s just for you.

Communicate with your partner. Talking to someone you love and trust about your worries or feelings can be a great way to reduce anxiety, and it’s crucial to keep the lines of communication with your partner open so they understand how you’re feeling. Intimacy comes in many forms, and sharing your feelings is an important one. Talking and expressing yourself will help your partner better understand your needs, strengthen your connection, and make the transition back to boom-town a lot smoother.

What do you do to de-stress and get your sexy back?

 

*I can’t back that up. This ‘statistic’ is actually just me coming up with a number based on conversations I’ve had on this topic with a handful of friends. Quote me on it at your peril.

Chloe Pedley
Founder at Polkadotsi
Chloe is the founder of Polkadotsi, mother of four little boys, and wife and lover to a magnificent husband.
She's interested in all things sex and sexuality, and seeks to make a positive difference in the world by education.

Chloe is the founder of Polkadotsi, mother of four little boys, and wife and lover to a magnificent husband. She's interested in all things sex and sexuality, and seeks to make a positive difference in the world by education.