Boudoir Basics

January 28, 2014

If one of your wishes for 2014 was to have better sex, hold on to your pearls, girl! Better sex is a state of mind, and body confidence plays a significant role in how you feel between the sheets.

It’s common sense, really. If you feel frumpy or self-conscious, you’re not going to feel sexy. And if you don’t feel sexy, your chances of having mind-blowing sex are slim. You’re unlikely to loose yourself in the moment if you’re too busy worrying about a little extra flesh, or if your boobs look lopsided in this or that position, or if your partner cares that you’ve left your lady garden unmanicured. And wouldn’t you rather a sublime shag than concern yourself with a thigh gap? Or a bikini bridge, or whatever the fuck Instagram is making us paranoid about this week?

Hells yeah. And you know what? You can have amazing sex and feel great about your body tonight. Now, in fact. It’s time to get in the right frame of mind and start celebrating your body, working your best assets, and feeling sizzling-saucy-sexy. These Dos and Don’ts are designed to steer you in the right direction, you minx, you.

DO Think Sexy Thoughts

You know the mind is one of the body’s most powerful organs right? Especially when it comes to getting in the mood, and getting off. If you’ve been at odds with your body recently, write it a love letter – either on paper, or in your head. List all the amazing things about your body, and what it does, and how it feels, and how it makes you feel. Get comfortable celebrating your body, and admire all the things you’d forgotten you love about it.

DO Pamper Yourself. For You and No-One Else

Your body is amazing, so treat it the way it deserves to be treated. Indulge in a little pampering and spoil yourself with something that feels luxurious and sensual. It might be a bath with exotic oils, or a full body-butter treatment, or a pedicure, or all of the above. Do something that connects feelings of satisfaction with your physical self, and do it for you.

DO Get Glam… Or Sweet… Or Oh-So Bad

I don’t care if you’ve got a hot date or a casual dinner with friends or you’re staying in on your onesie for the night with a DVD and a couple of beers. Go to the deepest recesses of your wardrobe and pull out something that makes you feel like a sultry siren goddess, and work it. Don’t dress according to anyone else’s expectations – wear something because it makes you feel like a million bucks. It could be a sequined cocktail dress or a cute and frilly pj set or a leather bustier. It could be a plain ribbed singlet and a pair of French-cut cotton undies.

DON’T buy lingerie based on sucky-in or coverage factors

DON’T stick to one position because you think it will make your tummy look flat

DON’T be afraid to go naked or leave the lights on

DON’T brush off compliments

DON’T shag anyone who doesn’t treat you like the hot, beautiful, powerful creature that you are.

The end.

January 16, 2014

If your partner wants to watch you rub one out, flick the bean, catch the solo train to pleasure town (insert your own favorite euphemism here), there are four great reasons you should consider granting their racy request.

Big note here: you absolutely don’t have to let anyone in on your solo lovin’ time, and you should never feel pressured.

But if you’re in the mood for indulging their voyeur, bring it on:

It Can Be a Huge Turn On

Seriously, not only does letting them watch you feel a little naughty and play into the whole exhibitionist/voyeur thing, but you’re going to enjoy watching each other take pleasure in the experience. Watching you is going to make them hot and desperate to join in the action. Watching them watching you is going to make you feel desirable, powerful, and sexy.

They’ll Be Taking Notes

Your partner may be exceptional in bed already, but that doesn’t mean they can’t still learn a thing or two when it comes to what makes your body tick. Even if you’ve been together long term, there are probably a few things you do when you’re playing solo that you might not have thought to mention in conversation… of that you’ve been too embarrassed to mention or ask for.

They may be enjoying the experience, but rest assured, they’ll definitely be taking a couple of mental notes on things they can apply next time. The best way to learn something new is to have a good teacher – and who knows what excites you more than you do?

It Can Increase Intimacy

Masturbating is an intimate and personal experience, which is why it can be a little intimidating to do it in front of a partner if you haven’t tried it before. Essentially, you’re inviting them to witness you at your most vulnerable, and that can be a big deal.

You should never feel pressured to masturbate in front of your lover if you’re uncomfortable with the idea. But if you are comfortable, the fact that it’s so personal can really help to increase intimacy. There needs to be a high level of trust involved, so if in doubt, discuss the idea first diving right in (so to speak).

It’s a Hot Option When Sex Isn’t on the Table

If you can’t have sex for whatever reason, masturbating together can be an excellent erotic alternative, and can help to keep maintain intimacy through shared pleasure and touch.

Do you want more good lovin’ grab a copy of my workbook “The Little Book of Mindblowing Sex” for only $4

The little book of Mindblowing sex

  • How to guide on how to have better sex
  • How to ask for and  GET what you want in the bedroom
  • Stop having sex in the dark and enjoy hot loving with the light on!
  • ONLY $4






Photo credit:© Arestov Andrew –

January 7, 2014

Your favorite television show may be filled with intrigue and excitement, but could it be killing your sex life? Too much time in front of the idiot-box can drain our energy when it comes to other more active pursuits, so dedicate at least one night a week to spicing up your bedroom antics with some naughty games for grown-ups.

Sex games aren’t just fun – they can also be a great, relaxed way to keep the lines of communication open with your partner. Here are five of our favorites.

Sexy Truth or Dare

To play this game, all you need is some paper, pens, a bowl, and your imagination. Each of you writes down as many questions and dares as you can think of, putting them into the bowl. You then take turns to draw a piece of paper from the bowl and ask you lover, “truth or dare”. Guaranteed to get some giggles and inspire action.

Playing Doctor

Okay, you don’t exactly have to play Doctor, but you get the idea. Choose a role-play scenario you both would enjoy and then act it out. You can keep it simple, letting your imaginations do most of the work, or you can go all out, creating or purchases costumes to make the experience more tactile.


Have a deck of cards or a board game at home? You can strip to anything – all you need to do is adjust the rules slightly so articles of clothing are removed whenever someone loses a hand or a round. Strip poker is a classic, but you could also play strip Monopoly, strip chess, or even strip beer-pong. Use your imagination and get ready to rid yourself of your inhibitions.

Torrid 20 Questions

This game can be a lot of fun, but also offers a fun, low-pressure opportunity to reveal your fantasies and desires to each other. Think of your sexiest secret fantasy, and then invite your partner to guess what it is by asking 20 yes-or-no questions. They might ask, “does it involve role play” or “does it take place outdoors” or “would you be in control”. If they guess right, you might reward them with something they can’t get enough of.

Grown-Up Spin the Bottle

If you ever played spin the bottle as a teenager you’ll remember the rush and giddy excitement of having the bottle point at your crush when you spun it. As an adult, you can up the ante with this naughty classic, without needing to add more people to your private party… unless, of course, you’d like to. Grab a sheet of paper or cardboard around twice the size of a bottle of wine, and draw a large circle on it, dividing the circle in to eight segments. Take turns writing a sexy request or action in each segment, then place the bottle in the center and give it a spin.


Image  credit: © Piotr Marcinski –

December 27, 2013

I’m not sure whether making your own sex tapes are more common nowadays, or whether we’re just more open about them. I imagine our easy access to technology probably has something to do with it – after all, 20 years ago making one would have meant setting up a hefty cassette video recorder on a tripod in a corner of the room. Now all anyone has to do is hit record on an open laptop, or prop their smart phone up on their bedside table.

New-fangled gadgets have certainly made the creation of erotic home filmography simpler… but technology has also made the sharing of those films easier. The push of a button can send your most intimate moments out for the entire world to see, with no take-backs, and the ability for your vajay to go viral in a matter of hours. What you put out on the internet is basically on the internet forever.

Think very carefully before filming a sensual adventure solo or with a partner.

Here are our golden rules for making your own sex tapes

Don’t be pressured to make a sexy video at someone else’s behest. If the idea makes you uncomfortable in any way, just don’t do it. Your ass, your choice.

Don’t make a sex tape with someone you barely know, or don’t trust. Think long and hard about this. Do you trust this person with footage of you in the throws of passion? If you were to break up, do they have enough integrity to still keep this celluloid immortalization private?

Don’t feel the need to compete with professionals. If you want to make a sex tape to spice things up with your lover, make fun and pleasure your focus. Worrying about dirty-talk dialogue and cycling through multiple positions with ferocious enthusiasm may take the sexy out of making your own sex tapes.

Do get in the mood. Especially if this is your first foray into DIY porn, and nerves are running a little high. Put on some sexy music, choose something to wear that makes you feel amazing, and maybe indulge in a little pre-film foreplay to relax and get into the swing of things.

Do your thing. The act of filming your seductive encounter will be exciting in itself, so just be yourself instead of hamming it up for the camera. You can show as much, or as little, skin as you like. In fact, you can stay under the covers if that’s how you prefer to roll. This is your dirty movie, so you make the rules.

Do think about lighting and mood. Play with the night-vision setting on your camcorder to shoot in the dark, avoid glare and reflection from windows if you’re filming in broad, unabashed daylight, or play it soft and romantic with flattering candlelight.

Want to experience the thrill of making your own sex tapes without the possibility of it getting into the wrong hands? There’s nothing wrong with filming your escapades, watching them back once for giggles, and then deleting them ASAP. Just because they’re captured digitally, doesn’t mean you need to keep them forever.

What’s your number one DIY sex tape tip?


Do you want more good lovin’ grab a copy of my workbook “The Little Book of Mindblowing Sex” for only $4

The little book of Mindblowing sex

  • How to guide on how to have better sex
  • How to ask for and  GET what you want in the bedroom
  • Stop having sex in the dark and enjoy hot loving with the light on!
  • ONLY $4















Image credit:© Andrey Kiselev –

December 24, 2013

For the uninitiated and unfamiliar, BDSM (bondage, discipline and sadomasochism) is a broad umbrella term alluding to a wide array of erotic practices involving dominance and submission. There are many sub-cultures that identify with the BDSM catchall, and while many BDSM-associated practices are sexual, not all involve sex. For some, pleasure is derived simply in the act of submitting to another person, or having consensual control over another. For others, erotic pain – giving it, receiving it, or both – is necessary for sexual satisfaction.

While once relegated to the so-called seedy sexual underworld, BDSM is now more mainstream, with greater awareness of pleasure/pain sensualities being explored in books, film, magazines, and porn sites.

If you’re curious about BDSM, and would like to dip your toe into it delightfully dark waters, here are some tips for absolute beginners.

Discuss It With Your Lover

The idea of surprising your lover dressed in head-to-toe leather or latex might turn you on, but the reality of catching them completely unawares may not live up to your expectations… especially if your frisky frolics have been purely ‘vanilla’ in the past.

Try subtly introducing a little light spanking into your boudoir play and gauge their reaction, or watch a film or read an erotic book together drawing on BDSM elements. Express your interests and desires and suggest things you could try to see whether you would both be into it.

Get The Basic Gear

If you’re introducing a little BDSM play into your sex life, there are a few essentials you can pick up from any good online retailer. Passionate Jade has a bondage section dedicated to naughty-nice products and accessories, including metal and silk cuffs, cute crops, feather ticklers and floggers, blindfolds, bed restraint kits, and even after-spanking cream.

Almost all online retailers offer a wide selection of BDSM toys, accessories and kits, so have a browse and see what piques your curiosity.

Before You Dive Right In

BDSM is all about trust and control, so it’s important to discuss your limits with your partner before popping that shiny red ball-gag in your mouth. Decide on both a safe word and signal that you can use of either one of you becomes uncomfortable, and respect one another’s boundaries.

Role-Play Your Way to Perfection

For first timers, relinquishing or taking control can difficult, depending on your natural inclinations. You may feel silly at first, so to let go of your inhibitions, and think of your foray into BDSM in terms of role-play, where each of you plays a character. Have fun with it, experiment, and find out what works for you and what doesn’t.

This is about you and what you and your partner find pleasurable, so there really are no right or wrong ways to play. The Bondage Police are not going to come knocking on your bedroom door if you don’t do BDSM the way someone else does… unless, of course, that’s part of your fantasy.


Image credit:© katalinks –

December 22, 2013

Sex is, obviously, a very personal and intimate experience, which is why sometimes it can be difficult to ask for what you want. Especially if you’re sharing the experience with someone new. Not communicating your desires and hot spots to your partner can end in heartbreak and sexual disaster, as so delightfully lamented by Lily Allen in Not Fair.

The thing is, letting your partner know what you like, what turns you on, and what really pushes your buttons is important, and can take your sexual adventures from fantastic, to mind-blowing. Your partner isn’t a mind reader – and more often than not, they’ll appreciate a little direction here or there. Knowing what you love will probably be a real turn-on for them, so ditch your hang-ups about being bossy, and get comfortable with asking for what you want.

Getting What You Want

I Love It When You…

A little positive reinforcement can go a long way, so if your partner is doing something you love, be sure to let them know. Vocalize how much you’re enjoying what they’re doing to you, and they’re likely to log it in the playbook for future reference.

You Know What I’d Really Like…?

Some gentle encouragement is a great way to offer direction without bruising your lover’s ego or making them feel inadequate. Catch them with your best seductive stare, and tell them what you want. You can be flirty and suggestive or direct, depending on the mood and how comfortable you feel.

Do You Like It When I…?

This communication deal works both ways; so try asking your partner what they enjoy. Their feedback will help you understand their needs better, and they’re likely to follow your lead and ask a few questions of their own.

Do You Want Me To Show You…?

Um – of course they do! If you really want to make it clear to your partner what works for you, what better way than to show them. You know your body better than anyone, so take the role of teacher and let them see how it’s done. They’ll love being given the opportunity to watch.

Avoiding What You Don’t Want

Asking for something you want is often easier than hinting for your lover to stop doing something you don’t enjoy. This can be particularly tricky territory, especially if it seems to be one of the moves they’re most proud of, but there’s no point keeping your displeasure on the down low. After all, imagine how mortified you’d feel if you found they’d been keeping quiet about something they don’t like?

In the moment, you can try and divert their attention elsewhere, but it might be that you need to have a quiet chat about it to clarify. Raise the subject in a completely non-sexual moment and environment, and explain that while you love it when they ABC, that XYZ thing they do just isn’t your thing. In all likelihood they’ll be relieved you told them. If they get embarrassed, reassure them of what you do enjoy, and explain that you just want to be honest. If they ignore you and keep doing that thing you don’t like, it might be time to kick them out of bed.

How do you prompt your partner to get what you want in bed?

December 13, 2013

Fellatio, oral sex, sucking off, blowing, giving head… whatever you call it, there probably isn’t a man alive who doesn’t love it.

Want to give a better blow job? Forget everything you’ve seen in porn. The quick, robotic, bobbing up and down on your bloke’s bratwurst with your mouth is generally pretty unsexy. And for many women, the ability to actually enjoy any attempt to deep throat is a myth.

Here are our five top tips for giving great head.

Take Your Time

A rushed hummer is pretty unsexy, so be sure to take your time so you can both enjoy it. Start slow to make him squirm: grazing your mouth against his penis, kissing up and down his shaft, licking his tip, and building his anticipation.

Focus On His Sensitive Spots

Linger on the parts of his anatomy that are especially sensitive, including the tip of his penis, his testicles, his frenulum (the flesh underneath the crown of his penis) and his perineum (the spot between his testicles and butthole). Oral is about using your mouth to maximum effect, so try gently licking or sucking his balls.

If you’re both into it, you can incorporate a little ass play into your oral encounter, but it’s the kind of thing you want to approach gently – deciding to poke about all-guns-blazing while his dick is in your mouth can end badly for everyone.

Use Your Hands

Yes, oral is all about wowing him with your wanton mouth, but your hands are just as important – especially if your partner’s penis is more than a mouthful. For a killer combo, use your mouth and hands together. Let your hand act as an extension of your mouth so it feels as though you’re taking more of him, without actually heading into deep-throat-country.

Have A Break

Awkward angles and jaw pain suck, so be sure to take some breaks. This doesn’t have to spoil the mood. Pulling back for a short time can heighten arousal for both of you, and there are plenty of things you can do to maintain momentum, like teasing him with your hands or trying the ridiculous-sounding, but effective, lipstick technique. Keep a glass of icy water beside the bed and have a few sips. Cooling down the temperature of your mouth will give him a pleasant surprise when you go back for more.

Enjoy Yourself

Seeing how much your partner enjoys your BJ can be a big turn on. Likewise, conveying your genuine enthusiasm while giving oral can send him over the edge. Show him you’re into it. Give him a little flirty eye contact while you have him in your mouth, and don’t be afraid to audibly convey how much you love pleasuring him.

The more you enjoy the experience, and the more you can convey that to your partner, and the more pleasure he’s bound receive as a result.


Are you looking for oral sex tips for women? Check out our road tested oral sex tips just for women!

December 10, 2013

The reverse cowgirl position is one of the woman on top positions that gives you a lot of freedom to explore your body. It’s a visually stimulating position, which is why it’s popular in porn. Soft, round buttocks bouncing up and down – it’s the stuff of sexual fantasy!

Get your man to lie on his back, straddle him and face his feet. Position yourselves both comfortably, and you can control the penetration. This is quite a good position post childbirth or surgery, as you can control depth and angle.

The Tricks And  Benefits:

  • You are totally in control, you control the speed, the angle, and the depth. Find a groove that works for you and your partner
  • There isn’t a lot of eye contact, it’s not a romantic intimate position, but it can be sensual and naughty… why not indulge a fantasy..
  • This position allows you to grind and gyrate to stimulate your clitoris
  • Give him a super sexy view by leaning forward towards his feet. (It’s hot, trust us!)
  • By leaning back (towards his head) his penis can stimulate your g-spot
  • You can reach his perineum, testicles, or if you’re into butt play, you’re in a great spot to play down there! (Be gentle, and ask first!!)
  • Of course, its also a good position for him to play with your butt if that’s what rings your bell
  • If you want to take it up a notch, you can skoot up onto your feet. This move can feel AMAZING but requires pretty strong quad muscles
  • You can use a vibrator to play with your clit, and he’ll benefit from the buzz
  • He can sit up to play with your breasts, and change the angle of penetration
  • You can mix it up with pillows under his butt, or your legs to make it comfortable!

Experiment and tell us what works for you! We’d love to hear!!




December 6, 2013

Have you ever had a really rough day at work, or been incredibly stressed about your family drama, or just had a few weeks of feeling generally down in the dumps and thought, ‘you know what will cheer me right up? Some sex. Yep – that oughtta do it’.

Not so much? Yeah, that goes for around 80 percent of the population*. Depression, stress, anxiety and generally feeling low can all negatively affect your sexual desire, and quickly throw sexy-fun-time to the bottom of your priority list. This is especially sucky given that sex, orgasms and simple touching have actually been proven by science nerds (thanks guys!) to boost mood and feelings of wellbeing, and reduce stress and anxiety. Nice one, Mother Nature. What a tangled web you weave.

I’ve been there. I’ve had days where I’ve felt so crappy or stressed my husband had better not so much as look at me the wrong way, let alone bust a move. But I think these feelings were best summed up by one of my BFFs during a particularly rough week, when she lamented;

I feel so stressed and crappy and unattractive right now,
I don’t even want to have sex with myself.

Sing it, sister. We’ve all been there.

The thing is, foreplay, touch, sex and orgasm all release the mood-boosting and stress-relieving endorphins that can combat the blues. So getting yourself some can really help put you on the path to happiness and overall wellbeing.

Need A Little Help To Get Your Sexy Back?

Talk to your doctor. Sometimes it can be hard to distinguish the blues from depression, so if you’re really feeling out of sorts it’s worth having a chat with your doctor to discuss some options that will work for you.

Take a break from sex – at least in the short term. Instead, focus on other forms of intimacy such as cuddling, kissing, holding hands, and massage. Taking sex out of the picture temporarily can take some of the pressure off, while maintaining other physical connections can help rekindle the home fires.

Get active outside the bedroom. Exercise can increase your energy levels, release feel-good chemicals to improve your mood, and even stimulate sexual arousal. A brisk walk, a swim, or a game of tennis could help in getting your mojo back.

Take some you-time. Stress releases the hormone cortisol, which can kill your sex drive, so taking time out to indulge in the things you love and de-stress is an important step in reviving your libido. Clear your schedule for an entire day – or at least a few hours – and do something indulgent to decompress. Leave your phone at home, spend some time at the beach with a book, treat yourself to a massage, facial, man-pedi or visit to the salon, take yourself out for lunch at your favorite café… anything that’s just for you.

Communicate with your partner. Talking to someone you love and trust about your worries or feelings can be a great way to reduce anxiety, and it’s crucial to keep the lines of communication with your partner open so they understand how you’re feeling. Intimacy comes in many forms, and sharing your feelings is an important one. Talking and expressing yourself will help your partner better understand your needs, strengthen your connection, and make the transition back to boom-town a lot smoother.

What do you do to de-stress and get your sexy back?


*I can’t back that up. This ‘statistic’ is actually just me coming up with a number based on conversations I’ve had on this topic with a handful of friends. Quote me on it at your peril.

November 30, 2013

Oral sex is sublimely intimate and erotic, and it can also be one of the sure-fire ways to bring a woman to orgasm. Want to mix things up a little?

While the 69er is notoriously difficult to come through, and other oral positions look as though they can only be achieved by yogic masters, contortionists and carnival folk, there are some fantastic alternative positions for great oral designed to get you on the fast track to Pleasure Town.

Here are our Top 5 positions for oral sex that will leave you satisfyingly breathless.


Cliff Hanger Oral Sex Position -

If you’re a fan of the classic you-on-your-back oral experience, and you’re greedy for C-spot stimulation, the Cliffhanger offers a great twist. Sit on the edge of your bed and lay back, leaving your legs to drape over the edge with your partner nestled between them on the floor. Kneeling from this position, your lover will have fantastic access to your clit without fear of neck cramps. Draping your legs over his or her shoulders will offer deeper access, and a more erotic experience.

One of the simplest positions for both partners, the Cliffhanger is ideal for both quickies, and long, languid affairs.

Legs Up

legs up oral sex position -

Another variation on the basic muff dive, during the Legs Up you to lay on your back and bring your legs up and over your lover’s shoulders, presenting your pussy to them for super-easy access. You may need to arch your back or use a pillow or two for support, but the feeling of being almost upside down while being pleasured will offer a new range of whole-body sensations.

Your partner should be able to reach your ankles to help steady your balance in the Legs Up – and in return, you should be able to reach their hot zone as they kneel or sit to double your fun.

Lady Godiva

Lady Godiva Oral Sex Position -

Named in honor of the legendary noblewoman who rode her horse naked through the streets as a form of protest, the Lady Godiva is reminiscent of that act… although you’ll be riding your lover’s face instead of a horse. And it’s unlikely there’ll be any protesting going on.

To achieve this classic, make sure your partner’s head and neck are comfortably supported and then kneel over them, straddling their face. Naughty and nice, the Lady Godiva is best enjoyed when both of you are comfortable enough to create a slight riding motion for extra friction and sensation.

Laid Back Loving

laid back loving oral sex position -

Similar to the above face-sitting favorite, Laid Back Loving offers a more relaxed positioning for you, the recipient, and greater opportunities for touch and fondling for your partner. Have your lover lay back with a couple of pillows for added neck support, and then climb aboard facing them with your legs on either side of their body. Slowly slide your body down theirs until your head is resting against their bent knees, and your sweet spots are in easy reach of your lover’s mouth.

Perfect for sensual, leisurely lovemaking, Laid Back Loving is ideal for ladies who need to be in a complete state of relaxation to reach the big O.

Forbidden Fruit

forbidden fruit oral sex position -

Considered one of the more risqué and intimate positions for oral sex, Forbidden Fruit will leave you exposed in more ways than one. This position offers plenty of erotic possibilities for clitoral stimulation and penetration – as well anal play, if you and your partner are so inclined.

Easy to master, Forbidden Fruit requires you get yourself comfortable on all fours, assuming a doggy-style position, giving your lover full access from behind. Try this position in bed, altering your hip placement and back arch by placing your upper body weight on your palms with locked elbows, or by resting your upper body down closer to the bed, resting on your elbows.

The naughtiness and complete surrender of Forbidden Fruit makes it that much more exciting.

Did we miss one? Have a hot tip you’d like us to share? Let us know in the comments below.


Bright Desires


Featured image credit:© Sandor Kacso –