Celebrate Your Solo Sex Life

Jeannine May 5, 2014 0 comments 0

I loved reading about Emma Stewart's commitment to discovering masturbation as a sexually experienced adult, but I worried that my fellow wankers may feel that that their early and frequent masturbation schedule is somehow unusual. So I thought I would take a deep breath, kick the cultural shame around talking about masturbation in the butt, and give you some accounts of my "Tours of Tasmania."

The Not So Innocent Beginnings

So, rather embarrassingly, the first person that inspired sexual feelings was Mike Myers as Austin Powers. I was about eleven having a sleep over at my older cousin’s house, staying up late and watching the films I wasn’t allowed to watch at home. Having a bath the next day, the spa sex scene I had furtively watched the day before popped into my head. I felt a flush over my body and discovered all sorts of nice feelings existed, but fully fledged orgasms were a few years away.

The World of Fantasy

High school friends introduced me to fan fiction and shortly after graduation I discovered the rabbit hole of Slash – fanfic erotica. While previously solo sex had just been straight forward physical self-experimentation, sexual fantasy opened up and extended the physical, emotional and intellectual pleasures of solo sex. Erotic fantasy allows you to explore your creativity, your desires, to transcend any limitations and to experience the unattainable. Well, so I thought. One fateful drunken Thursday night, I met my kink and sexual match. A sporadic, yearlong affair began where all the things in my head were explored and expanded upon. I discovered that partner sex wasn’t necessarily the point or the best part of sexuality. In this affair, I often chose not to seek an orgasm, as it would add to the dom/sub role play, but the memories have enriched my solo sex life for years after. Sex isn’t something that I needed to seek from someone else; wanking wasn’t a sign of sexual failure. Instead sex is something that I am and have. Sex and orgasms aren’t given to me or taken from me in a healthy interaction, they are shared.

Things that Buzz

Apart from the occasional vegetable that got re-purposed for non-nutritional uses, I have never been particularly enamoured by sex toys. Perhaps because my introduction to them was a rather tragic knock off rabbit vibrator that came in a Sexpo show bag. But generally the noise and the feeling of having a disembodied dick present interrupted my ability to fantasise, so I found the whole thing counterproductive to achieving orgasms. Many years later, and after birthing a child, how I feel about my body, what turns me on and even the type of touch I enjoy has completely changed. My tried and tested fantasies and techniques have lost their hold on me and I need to relearn my own sexuality. Acknowledging that my sex just no longer fit in the box I assumed I was in is liberating and exciting. There is now an endless world of exploration ahead of me as I change. Things I had previously said, "No, I definitely don’t like that," now excite me.

If you have been subscribed to Polkadotsi for even a little while, you are well aware that there is wide and wonderful world of self-pleasure tools out there. Maybe it's time to equip myself.

 

Bright Desires

Jeannine
Jeannine Joy is a lover of the essayette, guerrilla gardener, mother, feminist, frequently distracted from all of that by sex trivia, and contrarian. Perpetually seeing both sides of the argument and is quite likely to change her mind.

Jeannine Joy is a lover of the essayette, guerrilla gardener, mother, feminist, frequently distracted from all of that by sex trivia, and contrarian. Perpetually seeing both sides of the argument and is quite likely to change her mind.