The sure-fire road to great sex is self-acceptance and an unwavering determination to be who you are, completely and unapologetically. If you want to feel like a sexual dynamo, do what you love, and don’t be afraid to ask for what you want. Be who you are and give yourself over to the pure pleasure that comes from indulging in what turns you on. And avoid these three good-sex-killers like the plague.
Don’t Censor Yourself
Unless you live in a vacuum, there are going to be countless times you’ll find someone trying to censor you, simply because your thoughts and feelings are different to theirs. Your parents, your friends, the media, your boss, society – they’re all going to, at some time or another, offer unsolicited advice and opinions, and even try and tell you you’re wrong because you don’t fit their ideal of normal or right. There are times you may have to have to like it or lump it – particularly at work – but this definitely should not apply to your sex life.
If you have a particular sexual yearning or desire, but your partner shuts you down – or worse, shames you – for it, it may be time to get a new partner. Sometimes our fantasies don’t align with those of our lovers, and that’s okay. But you should feel free to discuss your desires without fear of being judged.
Don’t Settle for the Status Quo
If you’re feeling ho-hum about your sex life, it could be because you’re bored. Sexual boredom can have a hugely negative impact on our happiness, and our relationships, but just because you’re bored now doesn’t mean you have to stay that way.
If you’re in a relationship, open up the lines of communication with your partner, and look to discuss new sexual adventures and options that you might both enjoy. If you’re single, mix things up for yourself with a new toy or two, or keep your mind open to new possibilities if you’re engaging in casual encounters (just keep it safe).
While some self-professed experts have emerged from the woodwork of late, claiming that women in particular should be looking to say "yes" to sex more often, (even when they don’t feel like it – the theory being that once they get into the swing of things they’ll soon enjoy it #WTF) I’m a firm believer in only having sex when you want to, and not being afraid to turn your lover down if you’re really just not that into it.
Think about it. Is the sex really going to be spectacular if your foreplay is tinged with feelings of guilt or resentment? Ick. Saying no isn’t going to kill anyone, and you can experience real intimacy with a partner through forms of non-sexual touch. Who knows – that no-pressure, no-expectation intimacy may even end up resulting in sex, so communicate your needs with your partner and be sure to respect theirs in return.
What’s your key to great sex?